we are parents! it still doesn't seem real= though the 16 hours of pain sure felt real!
Ellis Michael Demars was born today around 3:30 in the afternoon, at 41 weeks and 2 days! he was 7 lbs 11 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. he has the most awesome head of reddish brown hair.
if you don't want to read the story, you an skip below to the pictures... but when i was pregnant, reading others birth stories were good inspiration for me and i ate them up.
we arrived at the hospital at 7:30 last night. bad idea: not taking a nap during the day before you go in to be induced, running errands all day, being extremely tired, etc. we got in and got set up in our room and lucky for us, our sweet friend Amanda from our ward was on shift! she gave her patient away so she could take us and she was a great starter nurse, we were super sad she was only working till 3 a.m. and wouldn't be here for the birth, but she was so sweet and helpful and awesome while we had her and hung out with us till midnight- thanks Amanda!
we started cervadil (softens your cervix) right before 9 pm. i really had not wanted to be induced since i was planning on going natural, and knew that one intervention leads to another and turns into a big snowball effect of drugs and epidurals and c-sections and epesiotomies- yikes! due to a crazy turn of events and being given the 42 week limit where we had to plan an induction by then if i hadn't gone on my own, and then the hospital being all booked around my 42 week mark (tuesday), we had no choice but to set an induction for yesterday evening. so i cried a lot tuesday and wednesday and was resigned to my fate. haha.
well like i said, we hung out with Amanda till about midnight when we finally 'went to sleep' which for me meant 'started having cramps'. awesome. no sleep for me. i tried to let damon sleep though, and succeed till a little after 3 am when my contractions were just too much and then my water broke (i was so hoping that would happen instead of having to start pitocin in the morning)! from then on, things were a blur of pain and barfing and moving all over the place in different positions, from the bed, to walking, to sitting in the jacuzzi tub to trying anything i could to ease the pain a little, since i was only a 1 and had a loooong way to go for how bad i was feeling. my midwife came in at 7 am and i was checked and at a 3... not a ton of progress but over the next 5 ish hours i went to a 7- a lot of pain and tears and making damon push with all his might on my back- oh, the back labor was horrid! i was having no luck finding relief, and felt bad for my neighbors, i hope they weren't put off by my very very loud moaning and groaning! well, wouldn't you know it, i made it to a 9 at 11:30... where i proceeded to stay till 2. talk about horrible. i was getting louder and louder and more and more hysterical, especially after every time they checked me and i'd made no progress. finally around 2 my body started pushing on it's own, and after a good while of that, finally pushed itself to a 10 and though not quite the station i would have liked to be, far enough that i could get away with pushing.
wow, pushing was something out of this world- on one hand, you can't help it and your body is bearing down with a mind of it's own and it is super relieving to push. on the other, you are contracting and your uterus is hard as a rock so it's almost impossible to push down and your baby is distressing cause you've been stuck too long and so it's painful and so it's the worlds biggest... oxymoron isn't the right phrase, but it's all my mush brain can think of.
in the end, i did it... mostly by calling on Heavenly Father to help me... like a lot. and really loudly. and second, because damon was by my side the whole time. the poor guy was falling asleep in weird positions with me draped all over him in the jacuzzi tub, on the exercise ball, on the bed, he only ate once- a yogurt when a nurse got it for him... and he pushed on my back so hard he's probably super sore. but somehow we made out with this cute guy, and i got my natural birth, even after tons of interventions i didn't want... life just works sometimes, you know?
and they handed me a squirmy little baby with tectonic plates still shifting on his conehead and a great head of hair that's a great combination of damon and i. he had some issues 'grunting' when he cried so they thought he might have some respiratory issues and because he was kinda in distress from me not progressing, we had a whole slew of folks witnessing the show- including like 6 nurses and my midwife and then a team of 4 from the nicu. in the end, he got his stuff together after about 45 minutes and he's fine. he is so cute and sweet and good smelling...
haha, doesn't this look like a newborn with a cheezy huge smile?!? we thought it was pretty funny...
i'm being induced tonight (not by choice, i wanted to wait till the bitterendaka42weeksaka6daysfromnow), but alas, this is what it is. so we should have an offspring tomorrow. yipee!
i spilled water on my phone. cause i spill water every freaking 3 minutes these days. and so i now have no phone. right before i have to go sit in a hospital and so sorry if nobody actually gets texts/calls about our child tomorrow. but really, damon will take care of it. he loves his phone.
he also loves the moby.
almost as much as he loves me not giving him haircuts when he asks because i just don't feel like it and don't you know i'm not happy about being induced and can't think about anything but snowballing interventions?!?!?! but really, i'll cut your hair before we go because our son (if anything in this holy world is holy please really be a boy and don't go throwing that plan of mine out the window!) would be too intimidated by that manly shag compared to his sparse tufts.
so folks, stay tuned, tomorrow's the big firework show!!
i made a moby wrap! been wantin' one of those, but didn't want to pay $40 for one... so i found some cheap fabric and used hobby lobby's 40% off coup and made one myself. the best baby substitute i have- that ol' pig... so i wore him for a while. bonus in making your own = since fabric comes like 50+" wide, i got 2 out of it!
after going to qt and the library today where i also ran into a sweet friend from my ward, just as i was tying this wrap on i realized, 3 hours later, that my shirt was buttoned one button off the whole day. awesome.
not actually that easy to tie this thing with a 41 week stomach on you.
this is damon studying NOT on a chair.
i baked bread (for the second time ever) and it turned out pretty good. only thing is, wheat bread is so dense, it's almost too much. this stuff is real real good, just you can't eat much of it. anyone know a good wheat bread recipe that is easy (this one took less than an hour and no kneading!) and not super super dense?
well, i'm off to watch the bachelor! can you believe it's already hometown dates???!?!?! can i believe i'm still watching this??? obviously. i have to know that he picks emily in the end, i have to know that i called it from the very first episode, before b&e even met! but oh, what if little ricky (srsly?) doesn't like brad!?!
you know the article (ok, maybe you don't, but i'm betting most of you do). i wasn't going to write about it cause everybody else has, and it came out like a month ago or something, so it's kinda old news in the mormon world. but i've thought about it ever since.
you know, the Mormon Housewife Blog Thing that that one girl wrote on salon.com? yeah, where she's all, i can't stop reading these blogs and they are soooooo different from me and my educated single commit-a-phobe self blah blah blah. ps, if you are mormon (i need to stop saying that. LDS) don't read the comments. they will get you all hot and bothered, and there should really be Sunshine in YOUR Soul Today.
" They have bangs like Zooey Deschanel and closets full of cool vintage dresses. Their houses look like Anthropologie catalogs. Their kids look like Baby Gap models. Their husbands look like young graphic designers, all cute lumberjack shirts and square-framed glasses. They spend their days doing fun craft projects (vintage-y owl throw pillow! Recycled button earrings! Hand-stamped linen napkins!). They spend their weekends throwing big, whimsical dinner parties for their friends, all of whom have equally adorable kids and husbands."
i don't think this girl actually has any LDS friends or aquaintances. and surely she must know that some of these women are career bloggers... whether they started that way or not. CJane and Nie Nie sell stuff and promote stuff and work for the blog world and actually make a living off of their writing- of course they write about the good stuff and have beautiful designed (by someone else- and super expensively) blogs and dress well. (i'll admit to even becoming disenchanted with the beloved Nie Nie after so many ads on the blog and constant reminders to 'buy my calander!' and such became overwhelming to me. but i love reading entries from years ago, when she locked her kids in the backyard to have a moment, or found her baby playing with poo he scooped out o the toilet. luckily, my favorite, Nat The Fat Rat has stayed pretty true to her values, she has a few sponsors but doesn't blare about them and get free clothes that make up every piece of her wardrobe which she happens to take pictures of every day... and there are others like her too. tangent.)
or at least she has no LDS friends like me.
the girl who cut my hair on the cheap last month did NOT give me cute bangs. they are only just now starting to grow out and not scare me.
and yes, while my child will likely look like a baby model (have you seen his father?), my hub doesn't look like some graphic designer when he wears the same t-shirts he's had since before his mission and considering some of his things i've thrown out (either without him knowing or with him crying in the corner)- light tan crocs with a blue strap that he got for free somewhere (um, i don't care if they are comfortable) and the light denim jeans that are also carpenter style (you don't carry around a hammer) and about 6 inches too short, all white marshmallow looking tennis shoes, and next, a church sweater that is light tan and ribbed and way too big for him yet also somehow not long enough. you'll never see damon in lumberjack shirts and square glasses, you'll see him in a kaizen t-shirt and black stretchy pants he got in brazil and an ankle brace for basketball and ... slippers. and he owns it AND looks like a hottie. that's how we roll around here.
the only thing i own from Anthro is the bridesmaid dress i wore to my sister's wedding. i asked her to pick one from there cause i wouldn't have to pay for it and i've always wanted to own something from that store. i tell damon that when he's all rich and stuff i'll shop there, because it's a fantasy land. but really, i probably won't cause i'm just not that fashionable. the last 3 weeks the only pants i've worn are 1. black yoga pants 2. blue workout pants that i bought on clearance at Academy in 6th grade and 3. damon's old grey sweats. everything else i wear is from target. (though, i admit, i have no trouble dropping cash on sevens or hudsons and yes, i bought a pair of paige's while pregnant. i'm that kind of girl, i guess)
i don't craft, though i buy stuff to craft. well, i painted a few things for my baby's room- i stole the ideas off the internet. etsy to be exact. i think etsy is the epitome of mormon. or the epitome of hyperbole. (brian regan is also decidedly the epitome of mormon, yet interestingly enough, the only cliche mormon thing that i like) i will admit i really really bad want a sewing machine to make all the cute baby stuff i see on other mormon mommy blogs. i had one once, a sewing machine, but it was like 30 years old and the instruction manual was not in laymen's or modern day terms, so i sold it on craigslist. sorry mom. i need simple, white (not beige and brown), streamlined, and preferably with dvd instructions, not written.
ok, and also, i have dinner on thursdays with our friend couple (we successfully couple- dated them for a couple of months and then blossomed a well balanced relationship). so thursdays. we pick a theme (mormon), we switch weeks to cook the main course (mormon) and the other coupleakawife cooks the side and dessert (dessert = definitely mormon) and then we hook their (yes, adorable) baby girl into some cartoon and discuss whatever our hearts desire over some yummy dinner foods. so i guess we kinda have that down. also, confession: i have a desire to do a gourmet s'mores gathering, and that is definitely mormon mommy of me, but i really want it bad! (nobody better steal my idea!)
"As my friend G. says, of her fascination with Mormon lifestyle blogs, "I'm just jealous. I want to arrange flowers all day too!" She doesn't, really. She's just tired from long days spent in the lab, from a decade of living in a tiny apartment because she's too poor from student loans to buy a house, from constant negotiations about breadwinning status with her artist husband. It's not that she or I want to quit our jobs to bake brownies or sew kiddie Halloween costumes. It's just that for G., Mormon blogs are an escapist fantasy, a way to imagine a sweeter, simpler life."
the article says... seriously though? many of my closest friends have masters and more (accounting, counseling, they have doctorate degrees and have patients, for crying out loud!) and this girl apparently doesn't know that a teething 18 month old and a potty training 3 year old and a newborn at the same time is not at all like unto arranging flowers all day. what a... well, you know. she obviously thinks our husbands got their degrees to support these lovely endeavors of ours by, i don't know, finding a money tree growing in the sacred grove or something. right. talk to me about being too poor to buy a house because of loans when you are 200k in debt from med school and even after you are making money, you are paying almost 35% in taxes. there's nothing sweet or simple about only seeing your husband in the late evening hours and half a day on sunday because every other minute he's in the librarylabclinicstudyzonewhatever. saturday is the worst day ever.
while i really hated how this girl portrayed and compartmentalized my life and the life of friends and other church members (aka, my sisters in zion) i am going to give the girl slight props, since she does point out that there is an underlying feeling you get from reading something other than divorce and abuse and depression that dominates media today.
"But the basic messages expressed in these blogs -- family is wonderful, life is meant to be enjoyed, celebrate the small things -- are still lovely. And if they help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap, I say, "Right on." I won't be inviting the missionaries inside for hot cocoa now or ever, but I don't plan on stopping my blog habit any time soon."
cause you know, that's just how it is- we are just trying to be happy with what we have chosen. we ARE happy with what we have chosen! and some of that includes a little baking and baby cheek eating and a few play dates here and there, and yeah, writing a hand-written note to somebody once in a while. there's no shame in the glowing, the handmade, the wholesome. family IS wonderful and life SHOULD be enjoyed. and props to my girls who are spreading that gospel.
i have had more than many days where i sat online all day long. and looked at blogs. and thought, i should go out and be productive, and then got dressed and made up and then... sat back on the couch to read more blogs.
i say the S word sometimes. when i drop the same white spoon while cooking 455 times or when i walk into the corner of the bed. i also flip people off while driving a lot. especially people who ride my tail. i flip them and then slow down to 4 under the speed limit just to make them mad.
i don't feel guilty when i buy new clothes, even though we have absolutely no income.
i like the smell of cigarette smoke in passing- outside! i hate that i can smell it constantly in my apartment hall because of the chain smoker downstairs. and that it seeps under my door and into my lovely home.
i judge people more than i should (should=never). and make fun of people a lot. luckily i married somebody who makes fun of people with me instead of making me feel guilty. you can make fun of me or judge me back if you want, i won't be mad.
i like reading mail, including junk mail and the stupid West Des Moines Register.
i don't like when people say 'tending' instead of 'babysitting'. tending sounds too pleasant.
i want to be planting a garden right now really really bad! i think i'll do a pot garden (like the vessel, not the weed) and have some cilantro and basil and .... mint. those are the only 3 i care much about.
i really do like Anna Karenina, even though flip! i have been reading it for like a year now! but every time i pick it up (and drop it on my face while reading in the bathtub and then say the S word/have to air dry it) i love it and the story.
i am morally opposed to small dogs. i think they may as well be cats. and i am immorally opposed to cats, but not 7 week old kittens, but nothing older than that.
i want to live in nyc. so that i can have an excuse to have to walk everywhere and also an excuse to never cook and eat out every meal.
i don't like cliche mormon things. like princess bride and apples to apples. or any games, for that matter. there i said it. hate me today.
yesterday it was 70 degrees here. in the middle of february. and then i thought i could live here forever. and then i remembered that they don't put overhead lights in living rooms here. and they don't put ceiling fans in any room in the apartment, except the dining nook. cause everyone wants their hair blowing around and their eyes drying out while they are trying to eat soup or baby back ribs.
once a month i go to the library and read the new issue of every magazine i like. i read them for like 4 hours straight. WDM lib > Provo lib cause it carries Cosmo.
sorry i fooled you on the 'no update' thing. i needed to blog. to feel connected to people outside the voices in my head and the voice i give the person inside me who is kinda resembling one of those crazy people at berkley who stay up in trees and refuse to come down. though yesterday i did see 4 people besides my husband- i'd like to give a shout out to amber, michelle, kylee, and brandon! those are also the only people i've seen besides damon since sunday.
and probably the last update here or anywhere till we have a kid.
had a 40-week dr. appt this morning, chose not to be checked again (i haven't been ever, and don't see the point in knowing that i may or may not have progressed any and still not being able to do anything about it). i do not want to be induced at all, but we'll see how i feel in the next few days. they have told me i can decide to induce whenever, basically. the latest they'll let me go is the end of the month, 42 weeks. we will see where things are at at 41 weeks next tuesday.
it gets a little hard to get phone calls and texts and everything else asking if i'm still pregnant, if the baby is here (i promise, it won't be a secret once he is), when i'm going to give birth (i sure wish i was able to tell you that), how i feel, if i feel like anything has changed, etc etc etc... i know it's all with the best of intentions and that we are very cared about and that our family and friends are excited... but trust me, nobody is more excited and anxious than damon and i.
so if you don't get a text/call/email/whatever back, don't be offended. just know i'm enjoying my last days hanging out at home, watching trashy mtv shows, sleeping, drinking dr. pepper, eating whatever i want, and spending time with friends here and my man. i love you all, and at least next time you come here, you'll see a picture of a cuter demars!
And I am a bad friend and forgot to call her! Even though I had just texted my Kami on V/day about Andrea's birthday the very next day! Forgive me Andrea. Know that I did think about you, I just am the worst kind of procrastinator who doesn't do something when I think, 'I should do that right now', and then promptly forgets about it.
Let's face it. Part of me was ashamed that my birthday gift to you had still not emerged from his humble surroundings. I was really hoping you and my manchild would share the same day. I'll spank him when I see him.
In honor of Andrea, here are some lovely pictures from the time we used to live together and sleep head-to-head because our beds were pushed against the wall shaped like an "L". And it was everything you could hope for.
This is Andrea in her Mrs. Clause apron, being very domestic in front of our papasan love seat.
This is when we decided to dress up as Joseph and Mary for no reason and we had an inspirational quote on our wall that was not put there by us.
This is from the foam pit at True Blue Football celebration when we got some in our mouths and it was gross cause it was mixed with some dirt.
Oh Andrea, I hope you had the most magical day yesterday! And I hope you know how I love you so!
(actually i have about 12 decent sized things to do on my white board to-do-list)
here are a few old funny things to look at... sometimes this blog is just for me to look at, and then i remember that other people read it too. so hope you're having a super boring day!
the time i made kami eat 6 corndogs with me. we were moving out and needed to clean out the freezer.
the time kristi did something really really naughty. yeah, that's a plunger. and yeah, it was just used.
the time when we couldn't take a picture at all.
the time i was gangsta and we fell in love.
the time i told them 'nobody brings tents to mmt (massive moab trip)! we all just sleep under the stars on big ol' tarps and it's awesome!' well, in 2009, everybody else brought tents. which was not awesome. we didn't, and not only did we not have enough blankets for 4 people in 40 degree nighttime weather, but we also didn't have any soft things to sleep on. i also missed every single shooting star that the others saw. on the plus side, i did get to technically have a sleepover with damon (though i was also right next to my now bro in law and another girl...)- scandal!
ahh, it's good to reminisce, friends.
now, if you are REALLY bored, go ahead and read this. some of the comments are pretty witty. my favorite might be
"Jimmer once beat Michelle in a game of connect-4. He won of course... in 3 moves"
"Jimmer was once on the Maury Povich show. At the end of the show, Maury announced, 'Jimmer, you are the father of the 1972 Miami Dolphins!'"
poor girl, she had no idea what was coming to her.
seriously, one more night like last might warrant a trip to the bin.
plus damon seems to think i'll go into labor any minute sometimes, which is why i just got this email:
hey babe, I'm just emailing you to let you know that my phone is dead, so I hope you don't go into labor. If you do and really need to get a hold of me you can call jaime. He should be in choir with me. i love you and see you in an hour and a bit
he must have forgot that while we video-chatted a couple hours ago i dropped my phone in the hole. (side storey, the hole is the place at the bottom of the crack between your bed and the wall. i learned this freshman year in the dorms. i may or may not have been stuffed in a hole there.) and it is still down there. like i'm about to get down and crawl under the bed.
in other exciting news (and to try to get away from that TOPIC for a bit (you know, watching the water boil, or something), we are fairly confident that we are going to utah for spring break.
thank you damon for being a student, so we can have things like spring break, and summer vacation, again... i cannot wait to get back on that grid system, eat like 22 kneaders salads, have a sweet tooth cupcake, see my sister and my lovely friends that i've missed so much, experience spring in utah (once i fell in love during spring in utah. i was one of those people... and look where it got me!)
anybody enjoy the superbowl last night? no? yeah, me much either. we got to hang out with some fun friends who aren't in our ward (woah, we're branching out?!?!) and eat a lot of great food. but the game was kinda dull. i didn't really care much for either team, and the commercials weren't worth the millions either. but those cupcakes, and wings and diet coke with lime... mmm... we brought pioneer woman's mexican layer dip (yeah, the same stuff everybody makes, but i like knowing that i looked at pdub's site as i made it, and also that i added hot sauce too) and it was so good! we even brought home like a third of it, and we are having it tonight with chicken burritos and mexican rice, oh yum!
and. tomorrow the high is 6 degrees. the low is negative something or other. when is it gonna be spring?
we live on the top floor of our building. at least once a day, there is a loud LOUD noise above us. like, the sound of somebody jumping off the bed. or dropping a 60 pound box on the floor, you know? and we are so nervous/scared every time. there are no trees that reach across our building, so no falling branches to blame. just now something crashed again, and i'm all alone and scared. good thing the bachelor is starting, so i have something to distract me! (ugh! yes, i somehow got sucked into the bachelor! i've never watched a whole season before! and it's horrible!)
last night was a really really. really. long night. painful. every time i rolled, my pelvis cracked. something is hurtfully wrong somewhere in my middle-to-the-right back. and on top of that, the knuckle i cheese-gratered hurt a lot and the leftover bandaid marks stuck to the bed- gross.
then this morning...
i could see my ribcage. even the bottom. if that's not the most glorious thing you can see at 39 weeks and 35 pounds up, i don't know what is. my once small wrists have gained a pound each, and my collerbone has been awol for months and the only pair of boots that fit are the ones i got at 7+ months preggo.
somebody is moving down south.
stay tuned for a way more exciting post later this evening. promise.
cause this was a lame excuse of a post for #300. but i had to share.
Out and hanging on our breaker box in the kitchen. I might decorate more for Valentine's, but this year I've got something bigger to look forward to...
The first night in our apartment here in Iowa
Tang, and a free Papa Murphy's pizza. And the toilet paper and TV- the only essentials we had.
The best tortilla soup ever. I feel like making some right now. But we don't have chicken. Or avacados. Bummer.
A swirly mouth.
Starting to get painful to sleep, turn from side to side in bed, have to get up 4 times a night to use the restroom, pull those boots on (Thanks Damon)
Favorite current outfit options: this really huge target henley, and Damon's gray sweatpants. It's too uncomfortable to try to pull on jeans, especially if Damon isn't home. And shoes? I can barely cross my leg over my knee to get them on- really, my leg just falls back down.
Less than 2 weeks, right?
-typing what i'm thinking instead of what i mean to type. today i sent an email to a girl in our ward with the subject "cookie tomorrow" instead of "cooking tomorrow". yeah, you can tell where my mind was.
-being the only ones apparently to not get the message that there were no youth activities at church tonight. love rushing to make dinner, eating dinner in about 4 minutes, running out the door in the 8 degree cold, driving to the church and finding... an empty parking lot. awesome. we're informed leaders.
-more annoying than awkward: being 1 day too late in canceling our netflix free trial month (we have a 6 month membership gift that we are going to activate, we just figured we do the free month first and get 7 months out of this...) so, we paid for this month now. i guess we'll start our gift membership in march. hopefully i remember to cancel at the end of february.
-when somebody is has headphones in and is on the computer, and then laughs or smirks about something. kinda like how when you are thinking to yourself and others are around, and then somebody asks you what you are smiling about, but you didn't realize you were smiling, and what you were thinking about is probably a) inappropriate to share or b) not something you can fit into the conversation/activity to make people think you weren't off in la-la land but were actually in the present with them. i guess this could be awkward too. but Damon just did it, so i thought it was funny.
-having nothing to cook and somehow throwing together a meal (casserole or crockpot usually does the trick) that actually works and you'd even make again.
-knowing that either your baby could come at any minute, or that you have more time to indulge in any food/drink you want. today's menu: cereal- healthy. macaroni and cheese (whole box), the rest of the bag of chocolate chips, a glass of hot chocolate with a marshmallow, more noodles with cheesy sauciness for dinner, a scoop of ice cream, 2 glasses of chocolate milk, and a spoonful of cajete quemada (burnt goatsmilk candy)... not healthy. it's a win-win, really.
-snl's Miley Cyrus show. i can't stop saying things are 'pretty cool'
Just a quick pic of what I did tonight during our little blizzard we got goin' here....
Finally made a mobile! I've been searching etsy but of course don't want to pay the ridiculous money they charge for a simple paper mobile... So I got myself to the craft store and made this for about $5. Though, I can't wait to have a girl, cause the girl ones are soooo cute- hearts or birds and the colors... Sigh. I really wanted to make an airplane one but gave up after trying to draw out the airplane parts.
Such a bad picture, but I'm to lazy for anything but phone pictures. And I still need to paint the hoop thingy white. And I may attach it to one of the paper lanters I have still from the wedding. We'll see. Since Damon more than likely will have a snow day tomorrow, maybe we'll actually hang everything!
38 weeks down, it's about time we start getting everything actually put together.
I'll try to do a real update real real soon... another baby shower, my big ol' picture, yummy PW recipes we've been making, our theme dinner nights with the Barretts, etc, etc, etc.