Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Ellis is asleep, Damon is paying basketball.

I'm on Pintrest (surprise surprise) listening to Adele's album. For real, where was this album back when I needed it like 3 or 4 or 6  or 7 years ago? She's a lovely genious, and if you haven't listened to her, I highly suggest it. Especially if you are going through a breakup- it'll make it worth it.

This one was my father-daughter dance song...

And this one, I just know it, it speaks to my heart. I remember these days (I'm glad I never have to go back to them and feel these feelings ever again) (song starts at 1:07, but isn't her intro just heartbreaking and familiar?)

on a completely different note...

I've been thinking lately about accountability. Why? Lots of reasons. But mostly because of the way I feel about my physical self.  I'm struggling with losing the last 10 lbs of pregnancy weight... and then the 20 lbs that I'd gained in our first 4 months of marriage on top of that.  I have been all over the charts when it comes to weight in the last 2 years, but I started out at about 113, my pretty stable healthy weight pre-marriage.  That's what I stayed at from about my freshman year (I lost weight, somehow, no freshman 15 there) till Damon and I married.  Like I said, in the few months after that (and I guess, after I started taking birth control), I packed on almost 20 pounds.  And then I got pregnant... and gained another 35.  I topped the scale at 41 weeks at 170, and was devastated that I was so far out of control.  Yeah, I was pregnant, but I never should have been in that range, not for how tall (uh, short) I am.  I have major issues when it comes to eating healthy and laying off... soda. I didn't grow up eating vegetables, my mom was a single working mom and it was hard enough as it was without adding in lots of time for cooking and experiencing new and healthy food.  And those habits stuck with me as I grew and left for college, where I mostly lived off of carbs and dr. pepper... Those kind of refined starches and sugars are hard for a body to give up.  Especially when you have a job you hate, or go through a breakup, or don't have time for anythig...  But all of that is really excuses.

I'm putting a lot of really personal stuff out here, but like I said, I've been thinking about accountability.  I have no reason to be accountable to anyone but myself.  But when I keep things to myself, I rarely push myself.  Sometimes you have to let others in on your struggles, even just putting it out there is the push you need to make change.  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm sitting right now at 145 (last time I checked, almost 2 weeks ago), which is 30 pounds more than where I need to be.  What a number.  A number I never thought I'd be stuck with.  It's hard to tell everyone that number, but maybe putting it out there is what I need to really get me going.

How do you stay healthy?  Better yet, how do you GET healthy?  Without going on ridiculous fad diets, taking supplements or hormones that are 99% marketing gimmick and health risks themselves, without falling off the wagon?  How do you make a lifestyle change, and do it to where you can take your family along with you (especially when that family is a babe that depends on you for his own nourishment, and a man that doesn't have a lick to lose?) I want to be healthy, and it makes me sick to think of the things I put in my body more for Ellis' sake than my own. I don't want my baby getting chemicals and toxins because of the junk I eat.  And I want to be around and always ready for whatever he needs from me.

I need to step it up.  Not make excuses. Get started and stay motivated.

I look at pictures of myself a lot (more than anyone can and not feel embarrassed about it), and it pains me to see what I was, how little I appreciated it, and what I've become now. But it serves as motivation to know that I can be that again, that I wasn't even healthy then, not even eating right then never exercising, and so how great could it be if I really did things right???

My friend Catherine (over there in those linkies, and she also sang one of my wedding songs!) lost an amazing 50 pounds, and is a total inspiration to me.  She did it the good ol' fashion way- exercising, eating well, and it think, working on soul and heart at the same time.  She's an awesome girl, one whom I miss dearly, but am glad to always have to look up to, or look to when I need insight.

I don't quite know how to end this post (uh, how did I get here from where I started writing, haha?), but I'm just putting this all out on the line for everyone to see.  Will you be my inspiration? =)  For now, this scripture is what I will be trying to live more closely to. I'll keep searching and trying out new ways to become and stay healthier, for myself and my little family.

In the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet from the LDS Church, comes the statement:
     “The Lord has commanded you to take good care of your body. To do this, observe the Word of Wisdom, found in Doctrine and Covenants 89. Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost."

For now, this scripture is what I will be trying to live more closely to. I'll keep searching and trying out new ways to become and stay healthier, for myself and my little family.

(see? I'm not crazy... me in my "healthier" days)

(ahh, if I'd known then where I'd be now... I probably wouldn't have worried so much about always covering up by the pool...)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Our Wednesday...

A pretty typical Wednesday for us.  Except the whole wake-up-at-5:30 thing... Ellis usually stays in bed till 6:30, but I guess he was just excited to get the day started early!

5:35 wake up, time to eat!!  we are both preeeettty tired, see? 

5:50 thank goodness he always goes back down for a couple of hours

9:40 after i got to go down for another few hours (almost 4, woohoo!) it's time to get up and ready

9:45 cause nobody likes to wake up hungry!

 9:50 while he nurses i check email and chat with Kami

 10:10 we have to get dressed!!!

10:20 he eats his bumbo/stares in the mirror while i put on makeup

10:40 we're off to playgroup!

10:45 we get to the park, which is awesome and green and shady!  hang out with friends, Ellis nurses and takes a nap while i get some social interaction!

12:15 of course i forget to take pictures of our little trip to the grocery store!  Ellis smiled in the cart the whole time!

 12:45 Ellis nurses again, then we hang out on the couch, playing with toys and watching 16 and pregnant, haha.

 1:10 time for a little swing time/naptime.  Ellis loves to watch himself in the mirror

1:20 Ellis is asleep, so I survey the damage in my room: pile of clothes for Salv Army (love that place)

Ellis' room- we have been trying to go through all the clothe's we have

re-organizing the dresser...

1:40 i realize i should eat before he wakes up, so here's to my first meal of the day (don't worry, i think i had a sierra mist at the grocery store...

 4:10, long naps make for a happy baby wake-up

4:15, after a diaper change and some foods, a good burp is always nice...

 4:17 more playtime with mr. owl, hanging out waiting for dad to come home...

5:10 he's home!!!

5:15 some people play while other people make dinner...

5:40 dinner time for the big people! pork chops with blueberry compote and couscous... i don't know, Rachel Ray told me to.

6:05 we are usually rushing to eat dinner before Mutual but somehow we have oodles of time left over today... so we play by the window!!

6:50 off to Mutual!  Damon is with the scouts while Ellis and I are with the young women, making friendship bracelets and cards!!! (of course, forgot camera)

 9:00 after getting home and nursing, now it's time for a bath!  but first we spent 10 minutes trying to make Ellis laugh.

 9:10 bath time is happy time!

 9:25 first a bottle (trying to get him used to it) and then nursing...

9:40 getting zippered in!

9:41 goodnight dude!

 9:55, time to help damon practice being a doctor.  We go through 2 (almost half hour each) mock checkups... 

 i only agree to such things if i can eat ice cream with the blackberry jam we got at the farmer's market

11:25 after pumping (ah, glamorous motherhood) and talking with Mandee on the phone (about possible upcoming trips!!!??!?) , it's finally bedtime!

There you have it, a typical day in the Demars home... 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

little latino lover

here's about a million photos of the little dude...

 he loves to sit up on the couch and play with his owl...

 he also likes to help dad study...

 he's drooling up a storm lately

 we wore matching chambray to church- now we just need to get dad a shirt too!

i see you too...