i feel so very restless right now. the end of summer? maybe because school is starting for everyone around me and all i have is work. the end of another quick, fruitless relationship (if i had only imagined how many of these i'd have in the last year, i think i might have just stayed in bed)? maybe because i cannot understand or figure out what to do as far as work, making a 'living', my intense and sometimes unreasonable desire to feel like i'm making a difference to somebody.. i don't get to start classes and see all new people and wonder who i can make eyes at while the teacher lectures. i am done wondering how i'm going to get through 5 research papers in a semester or to what exact hundredth of a point i need to get my GPA to in order to not be on academic probation. i go to the same job every day and wonder if people can be helped, or if i can actually feel good while trying to inspire- mostly i wonder how i can get through 8 hours of teenage rehab drama without more than a 64 oz dr. pepper and a few ibuprofen from the nurse. i've never been off this continent. i've never been surrounded by a different culture. does it make me ungrateful to be so restless? and to feel so trapped in the comforts that i have, the blessings that amount to so much more than i deserve? i don't mean to sound ungrateful for all of it, i don't really know what more i'm supposed to be doing, but i'm pretty sure there's something.
i went to the showing of this tonight.
i need to go. like, now.