Wednesday, September 3, 2008

i feel so very restless right now. the end of summer? maybe because school is starting for everyone around me and all i have is work. the end of another quick, fruitless relationship (if i had only imagined how many of these i'd have in the last year, i think i might have just stayed in bed)? maybe because i cannot understand or figure out what to do as far as work, making a 'living', my intense and sometimes unreasonable desire to feel like i'm making a difference to somebody.. i don't get to start classes and see all new people and wonder who i can make eyes at while the teacher lectures. i am done wondering how i'm going to get through 5 research papers in a semester or to what exact hundredth of a point i need to get my GPA to in order to not be on academic probation. i go to the same job every day and wonder if people can be helped, or if i can actually feel good while trying to inspire- mostly i wonder how i can get through 8 hours of teenage rehab drama without more than a 64 oz dr. pepper and a few ibuprofen from the nurse. i've never been off this continent. i've never been surrounded by a different culture. does it make me ungrateful to be so restless? and to feel so trapped in the comforts that i have, the blessings that amount to so much more than i deserve? i don't mean to sound ungrateful for all of it, i don't really know what more i'm supposed to be doing, but i'm pretty sure there's something.

i went to the showing of this tonight.

i need to go. like, now.

1 comment:

Byron Lynn said...

Sounds like you need a great big HUG......don't get so hung up on what you want to do with your life and making and impact.....just try and help one person each day and try and make the world a better place for those you and reach out and touch and it will come to you.....if it makes you feel any bettter, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.....what I do know is that Jesus loves me, and love him more, I love my wife and kid kids more than I can imagine and that I miss and love you....i know it's not much.....but it's all that I can offer today.

i see you too...