I love the little red wheels of soft cheese. They save me, when, at 3 a.m. I crave. Cause, (cue understatement of the year) I am not like other girls. I don't crave chocolate, sweets. I crave carbs. I could eat pasta 8 x a day. I crave noodles & my alfredo/hot sauce blend always. And when I know i'll be angry the next morning at the late night consumption of nearly a grand of calories (i eat a lot, I don't generally click with portion control), these soft cheesies save me...
I filled up my car in AmF/PG the other night for $18.12... At under a quarter tank!! I can take up my favorite pastime again.
I want to one day have a photographer follow me around- is that vain? I really want to see what I do all day, and what I really look like. Cause I know I have a skewed perception of mirrored images of myself. But seeing recent pictures shocks me lately. (and there have been pretty few) What do I really look like?
Monday, November 17, 2008
blogger is seriously hating me right now. uploading pictures is a nightmare. here are the 3 i could get on from back when cam and i went up to the great salt lake/saltair... i'll try again tomorrow. i'm bored and starving and it's almost 3 a.m. so i can do nothing about both.
reflect this.
room with no view...
blue skies up ahead...
reflect this.
room with no view...
blue skies up ahead...
Friday, November 14, 2008
mind blubber
i hate public restrooms. with a passion. even more so when there's a line to get into a stall in a PUBLIC RESTROOM. and I HAVE TO GO INTO THAT TINY TINY NASTY stall immediately after somebody exits cause there is some impatient woman in line behind me who wouldn't understand how DISGUSTING it is to walk into that TINY STALL to the body smells of another person!! Who HAS BEEN URINATING OR WORSE IN THAT 2x2 area! i hate being in public restrooms at the same time as other people. i'm really disturbed about this today. scary park bathrooms are the worst. public bathrooms are a stain on the underwear of this nation.
i love other things though. like catherine. and the 2 cd's she made me (i've craved music the last week more than food). and the pudding. and the flower. and the words. love her. love her music. love that we went through some same things with one same person and get each other.
i love the girls i work with- they are a little nutso at times (a lot) and they are out of control and can't control their emotions mostly and they aggravate me to no end some days. but really, they make me laugh and they are awesome mostly.
i love tomatoes and provolone.
i love sleepovers and staying up all night laughing and talking and and the fact that lately my deepest conversations have been with males. it reminds me that i do have the ability to communicate with them even though they drive me nuts.
i really love grey's anatomy.
i love roadtrips and the fact that i will get to drive home for a couple days in december and see the great roadsides of the southwest.
what do you love?
(dear cam, where have you been? come back to blogs!)
i love other things though. like catherine. and the 2 cd's she made me (i've craved music the last week more than food). and the pudding. and the flower. and the words. love her. love her music. love that we went through some same things with one same person and get each other.
i love the girls i work with- they are a little nutso at times (a lot) and they are out of control and can't control their emotions mostly and they aggravate me to no end some days. but really, they make me laugh and they are awesome mostly.
i love tomatoes and provolone.
i love sleepovers and staying up all night laughing and talking and and the fact that lately my deepest conversations have been with males. it reminds me that i do have the ability to communicate with them even though they drive me nuts.
i really love grey's anatomy.
i love roadtrips and the fact that i will get to drive home for a couple days in december and see the great roadsides of the southwest.
what do you love?
(dear cam, where have you been? come back to blogs!)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
(he wants me)
and i enjoy making him wait around for me, hope, wonder. is that horrible? i hate it when a boy does that to me, and i've never done this to one before... and here i am messing with him in the same way that generally makes me cry some nights. maybe cause he has no feelings. or cause we won't turn into anything more than a good makeout (would we??? is it even really good if it's not leading into something special- trust, loyalty, genuine care??) is it human nature to shun others when we've been turned away from? or is this just me? i feel in control for the first time in a few months- i'm not the one waiting . ok, i am, kinda, but at the same time i'm focusing on keeping this guy just far enough away to keep asking for more. the tables turn... (it looks the same over here though...)
pictures to come.
i have a huge crush on clint eastwood. i want a cowboy (or at least a cowboy in spirit. no wranglers, thankyouverymuch)
and i enjoy making him wait around for me, hope, wonder. is that horrible? i hate it when a boy does that to me, and i've never done this to one before... and here i am messing with him in the same way that generally makes me cry some nights. maybe cause he has no feelings. or cause we won't turn into anything more than a good makeout (would we??? is it even really good if it's not leading into something special- trust, loyalty, genuine care??) is it human nature to shun others when we've been turned away from? or is this just me? i feel in control for the first time in a few months- i'm not the one waiting . ok, i am, kinda, but at the same time i'm focusing on keeping this guy just far enough away to keep asking for more. the tables turn... (it looks the same over here though...)
pictures to come.
i have a huge crush on clint eastwood. i want a cowboy (or at least a cowboy in spirit. no wranglers, thankyouverymuch)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
i'm shameless
i heard the song over a month ago. at the end of a grey's anatomy episode. and i scoured the internet for the lyrics, the artist, anything. i found it buried in some obscure corner of the www, and almost cried when i saw that the album wasn't being released till nov. 11th.... NOVEMBER 11TH!!! I have been checking itunes almost daily hoping they'd release the single early... and they released 3 album singles... but not THE ONE...
and so tonight i got home from derek's at 12:30... and i came straight to the computer and downloaded the other 8 songs... and i love it. i am not ashamed to say that i'm addicted to taylor swift. she's like, 18 or something. country. twangy at times. sometimes her voice wavers (whose doesn't?). i don't care. i'm a lyrics girl. she's my mind. i don't know if it's a good thing that i think like a big haired 18 year old. (at least she's gorgeous...) but either way, it's true, i can't quit her songs. david used to make fun of me for blasting her, and 2 years later i haven't grown out of it. whatever.
want to know me right now? go read lyrics.
White Horse (the song of all songs that I waited over a month for)
The Way I Loved You
You Belong With Me
You're Not Sorry
Forever & Always
you know you want to... go... read... be uplifted. relive high school days (or 23-year-old days)
cause everyone's got that one singer who they should be seriously embarrassed to love so much. but you aren't. i'm not.
(ok a tiny bit)
and so tonight i got home from derek's at 12:30... and i came straight to the computer and downloaded the other 8 songs... and i love it. i am not ashamed to say that i'm addicted to taylor swift. she's like, 18 or something. country. twangy at times. sometimes her voice wavers (whose doesn't?). i don't care. i'm a lyrics girl. she's my mind. i don't know if it's a good thing that i think like a big haired 18 year old. (at least she's gorgeous...) but either way, it's true, i can't quit her songs. david used to make fun of me for blasting her, and 2 years later i haven't grown out of it. whatever.
want to know me right now? go read lyrics.
White Horse (the song of all songs that I waited over a month for)
The Way I Loved You
You Belong With Me
You're Not Sorry
Forever & Always
you know you want to... go... read... be uplifted. relive high school days (or 23-year-old days)
cause everyone's got that one singer who they should be seriously embarrassed to love so much. but you aren't. i'm not.
(ok a tiny bit)
Monday, November 10, 2008
new songs on the ipod from ben folds, gym class... the weather won't cooperate but i'm going anyway. i can't sit at home the next 2 days, i'll go crazy. i need to take pictures. can't get rid of my anger any other healthy way. i like hiding behind the camera. i like the rain.
(she wears short skirts, i wear tshirts...)
tonight i looked through some moab pictures. i decided that's just the way to live. in your bathing suit, sleeping in a truck bed or in the dust under the stars on tarps with 12 others, 100 others around you, boys who go shirtless and sometimes less-less, hiking till you might die but making it to the top at sunset. eating everything outside. naps under trees and then sneaking into the public pool to bathe. finding the right boy to share your sleeping bag and bottles of water with for the weekend.
(what you're looking for has been here the whole time),
i don't want to deal with 2 blogs. i've been lazy about getting more pictures on the other one. forgives.
(can't wait 2 more days, i'm addicted to her and not ashamed)
(she wears short skirts, i wear tshirts...)
tonight i looked through some moab pictures. i decided that's just the way to live. in your bathing suit, sleeping in a truck bed or in the dust under the stars on tarps with 12 others, 100 others around you, boys who go shirtless and sometimes less-less, hiking till you might die but making it to the top at sunset. eating everything outside. naps under trees and then sneaking into the public pool to bathe. finding the right boy to share your sleeping bag and bottles of water with for the weekend.
(what you're looking for has been here the whole time),
i don't want to deal with 2 blogs. i've been lazy about getting more pictures on the other one. forgives.
(can't wait 2 more days, i'm addicted to her and not ashamed)
Friday, November 7, 2008
today my blog is my diary
dear you,
some days ago, a jolly man told me to hang on to hope. cause that's all that really gets us through anything. and i've been hanging on real hard but sometimes while my fingers are entwined in a wrapped up rope i look down below my dangling self and realize that i sometimes prefer to let go of hope. cause sometimes if you don't expect anything, you get to be pleasantly surprised. this is probably not the best way to do things.
lately i talk too much- more than you want to hear, more than you ever bargained for. i ask you questions over and over. i have a constant need for reassurance. i apparently have not learned yet to get this from myself. i hold on to things that are not there cause that's what i was taught to do. i don't want you (but i really do). there's something exhilarating about this, and there isn't even a this.
there's that one song, 'you are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy... you're style is quite selective, though your mind is rather reckless...' and all that other stuff? that's what you pseudo got into. i can never have enough though i pretend i don't want anymore. i go back on what i say 100% of the time- i don't stick to my guns. my mind is too much for me to handle- it runs 47 miles an hour faster than i do, 53 miles faster than my heart. i hesitate until i realize i was never really hesitating at all, just thinking maybe i should. by that time i'm too far gone to remember.
i ignore rejection as much as the advice from others. i like to learn these things the hard way.
(and i just got completely thrown off cause my phone just rang... a number i haven't seen for a year and a half. and exactly the person i've been needing reassurance from lately/the last 3+ years. i didn't completely screw up, right? he tells me i did a good job and was a great person, he tells me what i already know about myself and some things i sometimes hate hearing- but in the nicest way possible, and from somebody who actually experienced it firsthand. and with resignation that he took advantage of my personality at times. he's the one whose advice i don't ignore anymore. and who i'm glad i can count on for real advice now, no strings or feelings attached, every few years or so until i don't need advice on how to be at this point anymore. reassurance comes in the strangest places.)
hope wins.
i don't wanna go to work today. but i'm excited for tomorrow.
some days ago, a jolly man told me to hang on to hope. cause that's all that really gets us through anything. and i've been hanging on real hard but sometimes while my fingers are entwined in a wrapped up rope i look down below my dangling self and realize that i sometimes prefer to let go of hope. cause sometimes if you don't expect anything, you get to be pleasantly surprised. this is probably not the best way to do things.
lately i talk too much- more than you want to hear, more than you ever bargained for. i ask you questions over and over. i have a constant need for reassurance. i apparently have not learned yet to get this from myself. i hold on to things that are not there cause that's what i was taught to do. i don't want you (but i really do). there's something exhilarating about this, and there isn't even a this.
there's that one song, 'you are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy... you're style is quite selective, though your mind is rather reckless...' and all that other stuff? that's what you pseudo got into. i can never have enough though i pretend i don't want anymore. i go back on what i say 100% of the time- i don't stick to my guns. my mind is too much for me to handle- it runs 47 miles an hour faster than i do, 53 miles faster than my heart. i hesitate until i realize i was never really hesitating at all, just thinking maybe i should. by that time i'm too far gone to remember.
i ignore rejection as much as the advice from others. i like to learn these things the hard way.
(and i just got completely thrown off cause my phone just rang... a number i haven't seen for a year and a half. and exactly the person i've been needing reassurance from lately/the last 3+ years. i didn't completely screw up, right? he tells me i did a good job and was a great person, he tells me what i already know about myself and some things i sometimes hate hearing- but in the nicest way possible, and from somebody who actually experienced it firsthand. and with resignation that he took advantage of my personality at times. he's the one whose advice i don't ignore anymore. and who i'm glad i can count on for real advice now, no strings or feelings attached, every few years or so until i don't need advice on how to be at this point anymore. reassurance comes in the strangest places.)
hope wins.
i don't wanna go to work today. but i'm excited for tomorrow.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
long loooong post...
In other news, my best friend and once roomate Andrea had a little baby yesterday... Congrats to her and Zac!
I love my best friends. I wish we could go back to our crappy King Henry Apartment and relive our whole sophomore year. Life was so simple. We didn't date (well, except Nicole) cause we were all writing missionaries (ah, freshman love)-one of which turned into a husband- go Zac!!
i don't even remember anything about school except for the moment i would get off the bus from campus and walk into apartment. that's where my life started. kami and i had movie night every night, pushing the couches right up against our like, 13 inch tv, drinking 64 oz cokes (the gas station on the corner had a drive through and had great vanilla dr. pepper and vanilla coke) and eating popcorn and watching serendipity all night. we would all crowd on one twin sized bunk to cuddle and then get so loud and out of control that our neighbors upstairs would come down mad. we did not use inside voices-normal everyday conversations were carried out in yell volume. we had nightly wrestling matches in the living room, and only sometimes invited boys. we pulled our mattresses out for all-nighters studying or sleepovers. we would celebrate each others birthdays by dressing crazy in pantyhose and leotards and running around the apartment complex, or we'd sunbathe in our courtyard - one of us wearing a teeny tiny bikini- right where everyone getting off the bus from school had to walk right past us. kami and i went to the hot tub every night, except when it snowed to hard and then we just filled up the bathtub. we've traveled to weddings, funerals, and just to visit... we've been there through breakups and engagements and everything in between ("he told me he loved me! i've only known him for a month..."), shared beds, and parents, and colds and food, hometowns and cars...
seriously, that's the best college memories i made, and i love these girls and can't wait till our babies are playing together in the sand while we sit on the porch of our rented summer beach house (yeah, we have these things planned...) of course, that means i have to get on the ball about getting married or something, i'm so far behind them, their kids will babysit mine... except for kami who will have her 11th right around my first, that should work well...
and now, living proof:
hot tub? bath tub!
wrestling matches
once we got dressed up.. haha... (sorry these pictures are so unflattering)
nicole gets married...
true blue football
dre and i dressed up as mary and joseph for halloween once...
kami and i love each other, even in the cold...
dre gets married...
kami and i on our weird crazy trip to wendover...
hello seattle!
kami get's married...
i love them.
I love my best friends. I wish we could go back to our crappy King Henry Apartment and relive our whole sophomore year. Life was so simple. We didn't date (well, except Nicole) cause we were all writing missionaries (ah, freshman love)-one of which turned into a husband- go Zac!!
i don't even remember anything about school except for the moment i would get off the bus from campus and walk into apartment. that's where my life started. kami and i had movie night every night, pushing the couches right up against our like, 13 inch tv, drinking 64 oz cokes (the gas station on the corner had a drive through and had great vanilla dr. pepper and vanilla coke) and eating popcorn and watching serendipity all night. we would all crowd on one twin sized bunk to cuddle and then get so loud and out of control that our neighbors upstairs would come down mad. we did not use inside voices-normal everyday conversations were carried out in yell volume. we had nightly wrestling matches in the living room, and only sometimes invited boys. we pulled our mattresses out for all-nighters studying or sleepovers. we would celebrate each others birthdays by dressing crazy in pantyhose and leotards and running around the apartment complex, or we'd sunbathe in our courtyard - one of us wearing a teeny tiny bikini- right where everyone getting off the bus from school had to walk right past us. kami and i went to the hot tub every night, except when it snowed to hard and then we just filled up the bathtub. we've traveled to weddings, funerals, and just to visit... we've been there through breakups and engagements and everything in between ("he told me he loved me! i've only known him for a month..."), shared beds, and parents, and colds and food, hometowns and cars...
seriously, that's the best college memories i made, and i love these girls and can't wait till our babies are playing together in the sand while we sit on the porch of our rented summer beach house (yeah, we have these things planned...) of course, that means i have to get on the ball about getting married or something, i'm so far behind them, their kids will babysit mine... except for kami who will have her 11th right around my first, that should work well...
and now, living proof:
hot tub? bath tub!
wrestling matches
once we got dressed up.. haha... (sorry these pictures are so unflattering)
nicole gets married...
true blue football
dre and i dressed up as mary and joseph for halloween once...
kami and i love each other, even in the cold...
dre gets married...
kami and i on our weird crazy trip to wendover...
hello seattle!
kami get's married...
i love them.
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