texas (a few)

oh, tara

oh, I hate being sick. especially when nobody's around to take care of you. and especially when I left my pig in texas. and especially when you still have to go to work. 3 days off this week... maybe i'll actually do stuff again- blog and facebook and do laundry and finish editing pictures and clean. just maybe...

ouch, that stings just a tad.

i'm ready to come back home. where is home? i don't even know. 

i don't know what i want to do with myself. 2009 is so close, another year. bleh. 2008 was a good rebuilding year, grew a lot, didn't do as many things as i wanted, wasn't quite as productive or figure out quite as many things as i thought i might. what can you do??? i guess if there's any time to be this indecisive and fluttery it's when your single and almost young. 

new sucksico.

no, I'm not blogging from a traffic jam in albuqeurque.... hmm... I've always said nm is the armpit of the nation, and I feel it stronger than ever tonight. we totally got ahead of the storm in utah and got to be in moab at sunset. I cried inside cause we had no time to stop there. we are planning on making it to san anton' just in time for the franke christmas. we got pulled over first cause kristi's pimp tint is so dark its illegal in utah ( something about only letting in 16 percent of light instead of the legal 43... the next time was about an hour ago cause I was going 90 in a 70. the hp was a dick (they always are way worse than cops)... now we're going 4 mph in the stupidly-named capitol.

for crying out loud...

well i got at least one thing accomplished during the last 4 days: that awesome banner up there at the top of the page, with the help of Cam.  (ok ok, i did finish editing pictures, we did go see lights up at temple square- still waiting for the dancing house, and i diddddd take some ok pictures... but no cleaning, dresser, and i'm still not packed for texas)

i can't wait to go home. i can't wait for the drive (i'll regret that in 25 hours) and feeling allowed to drink all the coke i want in the next day. can't wait to see jake, and my family, and be in warm weather and just be at home... i won't miss the snow, i won't miss work, i will miss cam and our days of day adventures that officially ended when he up and got a job this week- how rude, i won't miss the responsibility of 7 goldfish (killed another yesterday)... 

the first are more attempts at cloning...

Cam and I went up to Temple Square to shoot the Christmas lights... It was freezing but we got some fun pictures...



Some cute ones that I got of Jimmy and Danika and their little guy Henry...

peace out till Christmas Eve... back to utah, back to snow, back to work... bleh.

i'm tired but i can't force myself to go to bed. i have so much stuff to do and i don't want to do any of it. i just want to enjoy this winter weather and my days off. i want to be under a blanket watching Elf with hot chocolate and another person. and i want to drive through the snow with the windows down to hear how quiet the white blanket makes things seem. and i want to sit outside the christmas light house that dances to carols. i want to take good pictures this week cause last week was an artistic slump.

things i need to do instead:
-take that sleeping bag and air mattress back to nicole
-edit pictures edit pictures edit pictures
-give edited pictures to whom they belong
-clean my apartment cause it smells. i hate when the apartment smells.
-finish that damn dresser
-go through my 2 closets full of clothes and get rid of it all
-go to the gym and get not fat
-take my car in to get serviced. haha. serviced.
-christmas shop (shoot me now)
-dr appointments and court runs with girls at work

but anywho, i'm super excited to go take pictures at the orchard at the state hospital... covered in snow? so perfect. i need a model. i wish i had a 4 year old that i could dress in bright winter clothes. i am happy about this cold weather cause it means the lake is gonna freeze over soon. and that rocks.

"Can you unfold his ear??"

Next episode? The Dunn's...
I'm almost done editing pictures. They were fun, their baby is cute, and the BYU alumni building was a great place to get out of this nasty weather!

things have been crazy, trying to decide on a place to move, figuring out school or career possibilities (oh, how i'd love to work for a photographer), getting ready to drive home for a couple of days... it's all been keeping me busy and things feel chaotic, but it's the good kind of mayhem. i'm ready for some change in my life. my bishop agreed that those things are positive changes i need to make right now, and if eel good about my decisions lately even though some of them have been hard.

hanging out with cam late at night when we are both goofy and unproductive sometimes brings decisions that don't look so smart in morning light. like spending 2 hours wandering around walmart and leaving with 23 goldfish. yeah. 23 damn goldfish. what started out as cam getting 3 'bitches for Fivius' turned into the walmart guy getting a little net happy. the tank was full of those little goldfish and he just scooped up a netfull and according to cameron 'it didn't look like he had that many in there!'... so that's how i acquired 11 more fish. what the hell. bev's tank isn't big enough and so they are sitting in a bowl in my room on the floor. all i really ever wanted was a black goldfish like that one down there... that i killed that same day. when kami and i bough best friend goldfish 2 years ago when she had to move up to logan and we missed each other too much. mine died that day. she dumped hers into the canal a semester later.


i absolutely can't wait to drive home next week. the franke family christmas party is seriously the highlight of my christmas season, maybe my whole year. my godfather always passes out. my cousins are crazy and great and all so different from each other. there's mass drinking and the loudest white elephant game you'll ever know. lacy thongs and bottles of vodka and hunting knives and garden ridge reject crafts. it doesn't get any better...
free groping (it may come from your married step-cousin, maybe your niece...)
mom, aunts, cousins, alcohol

the flask i stole from my Opa during white elephant

'stress relievers'

rodent gifts

The sky is falling

it happens sometimes... everything crashes down on you... but really, it's not as bad as it seems. you might actually like the chaos, like the change of scenery...




we went and shot in the desert west of lehi, it was freezing, otherwise i'd have let the exposure go for a good half hour or something.... the results are pretty fun, can't wait to get out somewhere and do it again (Delicate Arch, Moab, anybody???)

Things are a little crazy, but I have all of next week off before I leave for Texas on Friday morning and I can't wait to get stuff done, make some changes, play and hopefully get out of Provo for a day or overnight trip....

I need a healthy coping skill.

I'm always tired.

I'm pissed that my sister is going to china again and i'll be in provo without her (though last time was one of the most social 5 months of my life). I'm also pissed that I don't have the balls to go with her, not make any income for 6 months, not be paying off debt or working or getting back to school.

the stars move much faster than I ever imagined. picture proof tomorrow.

roses are red...

so earlier this evening i got a text from a number i didn't know and it went a little something like: 'hey tara, you gave me your number in the wilk a year ago, i came across your note while moving, figured it wouldn't hurt to see if you were around...'

a year (for reals?) ago, kristi and i were sitting upstairs in the wilk, above the terrace, i don't even remember why. i just remember that there was this way hot guy at a table about 15 feet away studying with a portly friend. after like 20 minutes of debating and a dare i think, finally on our way walking out, i slipped the note next to him on his table. it had a cheesy non rhyming roses-are-red poem. and my number. and i hoped and prayed that his homely friend wasn't close enough to think it might be for him. i've never done that before, never did it after that....

where is that tara? where's the confidence, the ambition, the 'that boy will call me if i just leave my number and he watches me walk away' assuredness? now i'm the insecure, settling type. apparently. anywho... we have a lunch date this week. a blind date that wasn't blind. weird? sure. but if something good were to happen, think of the awesome story...

i don't usually get what i want. apparently you have to go for those things, not hesitate, act in the moment.... i tend to hold back at the most inconvenient times, and regret it hours, days, weeks later... (i regret it, but i lost my chance)

i'm getting back to that tara. i'm making decisions. i can make things happen. i can see myself.

oh yeah, i got a fish. another one...those of you who really know me know i don't keep fish alive, no matter how hard i try. i think i'm just trying to satiate my intense desires for a puppy. that and cameron and i made a bet that whoever's fish lives longest gets sushi... yum, huh? ironic? yes... (is it ironic? Read Rich's April 10th entry and tell me. Dear Rich, I miss you. i need you to tell me what to do with my life again, cause i remember all the ways you reassured me over the years, but they don't sound the same coming from just me)

anywho... we'll see how this goes. i hate the fish. she sits at the bottom of the tank and doesn't move. she hates me back.

i'm off

at what point do we become disenchanted? with things or life in general? with people as a whole or certain ones? is it when life or they have let us down enough times? when we've given chance after chance only to have them still not man up? or maybe it's when we realize that no matter what, they will never live up to even their own potential, let alone your dream of them (in regard to you? see: selfishness). or is it when you simply find something new and shiny and full of colorful prospects and airy possibilities?

maybe its all a good thing- it gets your head out of the clouds so you can focus on reality and what really could be... lets you focus on attainable goals and desires, not fantasies and 11:11 wishes...

i don't know... these things fill my head at 4 a.m.

trying again, goldfish #4...

i have to work today, on my day off, i volunteered to take somebody's shift, and now i totally regret it. haha. oh well.

it's been a week almost without heat or hot water. it's so miserable. they're supposed to turn it on today sometime before 6 tonight... then i have to figure out who i trust to light the pilot. last night i went over to cam's to do start trails, but his couch was so warm that i just fell asleep instead. how sad. today i bit the bullet and took the coldest shower of my life.

thanksgiving was good- working that day was actually more fun than working normal days... we did a whole lot of nothing/whatever we wanted, and had a catered thanksgiving dinner that maybe beat your aunt sue's dry turkey and lumpy mashed potatoes. really, it wasn't bad. and 3 shifts at time and a half was nothing to complain about either. i did NOT go shopping friday- never have, maybe never will... saturday i hung out with kristi all day, we went up to kaysville to hang out with derek and sean and their mom. saw bolt, which was super cute and pretty funny.

umm... what else...
i'm behind on pictures, i'm behind on posting pictures...