Sunday, June 1, 2008

what's in a year

sunday's are usually my days where i go on a drive and try to take pictures/get away/think/listen to music, etc... yesterday i drove up past sundance (only about 15 minutes from my house) and even though the alpine loop doesn't open till friday, i got some cool shots, mostly with the lensbaby again, i love that thing.

i did lots of thinking, mostly because it is the beginning of june. i'll be 23 in 2 days... how scary. a year ago i was in such a different place than i am now. a year ago, i was at the end of a 2 year relationship- one that i thought was kind of the one. looking back now i realize how foolish i was, but i was so 'in love' then that it's hard to see that you may be in something you don't actually want to be in. have i changed in a year though? have i grown in my abilities since that day a year ago when 'my world' came 'crashing down' and my plans were all gone and i thought i would never recover... i'll admit, i still look back on my time with david and wish it had gone better, but i also think about him getting married in 4 weeks and am grateful that it's not me. as much as i loved him as a person, he as a person was not what i wanted in THE person. does that make sense? i had such fun good times with him, but the bad times were definitely not worth the pain. i am grateful that i got to go through some real heartache along the way though, and i know i will again, but everybody has to have that one relationship that doesn't turn out the way we want, that takes a long time to recover from. what intense pain, it's interesting how the human body and psyche responds to situations like that, how long it takes to recover, and how you look at it once you are 'over it'. i am so grateful for him though, and what he taught me about loving another person and learning how to work on your own faults. i hope he does well in the future- it's weird to think of 2 years being so close to somebody (though we definitely had ups and downs during that time period) and then know that you will never see them again, never be invested in their life like you were. anyways, it was fun while it lasted and now i'm glad to be past that part of life and into more fun and wonderful things and people...

since then i've had some wonderful moments- spending time with family, spending the last moments with my grandmother while she was on earth, being at my best friend's wedding, making new lifelong friends, moving out on my own into homes where i don't know anybody, the whole experience with rich lloyd... so many moments to cherish.

it's amazing what can happen in a year, i am pretty sure i've grown a lot, but i know i'm so far from what my heavenly father has planned for me to become. i can't wait to see what he has in store for me in the next year...

(wow, that was long... sorry for a 'dear diary' entry. reflection is good.)

some shots from sunday:

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