Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Ellis is asleep, Damon is paying basketball.

I'm on Pintrest (surprise surprise) listening to Adele's album. For real, where was this album back when I needed it like 3 or 4 or 6  or 7 years ago? She's a lovely genious, and if you haven't listened to her, I highly suggest it. Especially if you are going through a breakup- it'll make it worth it.

This one was my father-daughter dance song...

And this one, I just know it, it speaks to my heart. I remember these days (I'm glad I never have to go back to them and feel these feelings ever again) (song starts at 1:07, but isn't her intro just heartbreaking and familiar?)

on a completely different note...

I've been thinking lately about accountability. Why? Lots of reasons. But mostly because of the way I feel about my physical self.  I'm struggling with losing the last 10 lbs of pregnancy weight... and then the 20 lbs that I'd gained in our first 4 months of marriage on top of that.  I have been all over the charts when it comes to weight in the last 2 years, but I started out at about 113, my pretty stable healthy weight pre-marriage.  That's what I stayed at from about my freshman year (I lost weight, somehow, no freshman 15 there) till Damon and I married.  Like I said, in the few months after that (and I guess, after I started taking birth control), I packed on almost 20 pounds.  And then I got pregnant... and gained another 35.  I topped the scale at 41 weeks at 170, and was devastated that I was so far out of control.  Yeah, I was pregnant, but I never should have been in that range, not for how tall (uh, short) I am.  I have major issues when it comes to eating healthy and laying off... soda. I didn't grow up eating vegetables, my mom was a single working mom and it was hard enough as it was without adding in lots of time for cooking and experiencing new and healthy food.  And those habits stuck with me as I grew and left for college, where I mostly lived off of carbs and dr. pepper... Those kind of refined starches and sugars are hard for a body to give up.  Especially when you have a job you hate, or go through a breakup, or don't have time for anythig...  But all of that is really excuses.

I'm putting a lot of really personal stuff out here, but like I said, I've been thinking about accountability.  I have no reason to be accountable to anyone but myself.  But when I keep things to myself, I rarely push myself.  Sometimes you have to let others in on your struggles, even just putting it out there is the push you need to make change.  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm sitting right now at 145 (last time I checked, almost 2 weeks ago), which is 30 pounds more than where I need to be.  What a number.  A number I never thought I'd be stuck with.  It's hard to tell everyone that number, but maybe putting it out there is what I need to really get me going.

How do you stay healthy?  Better yet, how do you GET healthy?  Without going on ridiculous fad diets, taking supplements or hormones that are 99% marketing gimmick and health risks themselves, without falling off the wagon?  How do you make a lifestyle change, and do it to where you can take your family along with you (especially when that family is a babe that depends on you for his own nourishment, and a man that doesn't have a lick to lose?) I want to be healthy, and it makes me sick to think of the things I put in my body more for Ellis' sake than my own. I don't want my baby getting chemicals and toxins because of the junk I eat.  And I want to be around and always ready for whatever he needs from me.

I need to step it up.  Not make excuses. Get started and stay motivated.

I look at pictures of myself a lot (more than anyone can and not feel embarrassed about it), and it pains me to see what I was, how little I appreciated it, and what I've become now. But it serves as motivation to know that I can be that again, that I wasn't even healthy then, not even eating right then never exercising, and so how great could it be if I really did things right???

My friend Catherine (over there in those linkies, and she also sang one of my wedding songs!) lost an amazing 50 pounds, and is a total inspiration to me.  She did it the good ol' fashion way- exercising, eating well, and it think, working on soul and heart at the same time.  She's an awesome girl, one whom I miss dearly, but am glad to always have to look up to, or look to when I need insight.

I don't quite know how to end this post (uh, how did I get here from where I started writing, haha?), but I'm just putting this all out on the line for everyone to see.  Will you be my inspiration? =)  For now, this scripture is what I will be trying to live more closely to. I'll keep searching and trying out new ways to become and stay healthier, for myself and my little family.

In the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet from the LDS Church, comes the statement:
     “The Lord has commanded you to take good care of your body. To do this, observe the Word of Wisdom, found in Doctrine and Covenants 89. Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost."

For now, this scripture is what I will be trying to live more closely to. I'll keep searching and trying out new ways to become and stay healthier, for myself and my little family.

(see? I'm not crazy... me in my "healthier" days)

(ahh, if I'd known then where I'd be now... I probably wouldn't have worried so much about always covering up by the pool...)


Tara:Damon said...

You are the most beautiful girl in the world, and I will help you do whatever you want me to! I love you.

Chanel Stone said...

Tara. You are amazing. All I have to say though? At least you have a baby and a pregnancy to account for all of it. I have....well....I have no excuses. So there is that! You look great. Your beautiful.

On another note...I can't believe I STILL don't have Adele's CD. Sigh.

Pamela said...

Remember we can always change the physical part of our body, but remember that you have a beautiful heart and that you are a great person so never change that. Do what will make you happy and makes you feel good about yourself. I love you.


Jamie and Amber said...

Tara, first off you are a hott little mama, and so brave to write about what we ALL think about/struggle with. I'm definitely not the healthiest person around, but I'm better than I used to be. I just tried to make small changes: whole wheat pasta instead of the reg, brown rice, lite sour cream, etc... I also have tried to stop buying box foods at the store (hamburger helper, etc...) It requires that I actually look up recipes and cook more, but I feel better when I know I've cooked a healthy meal. I'm a carbaholic, so to completely stop drinking soda, eating cookies and the like just isn't realistic for me. But I think small changes can lead to greater ones.

The Kynastons said...

Tara, this is probably super weird. This is Patrick's wife, Gina. I know we've never even met..haha...I know of you and saw your blog on Cherilyn's. Anyway...I just wanted to comment and say that I totally get how you are feeling! After Pat and I got married I packed on the pounds...then I got pregnant and packed on even more pounds before I miscarried. At that point I KNEW I had to do something before I got pregnant again or else it was going to get harder and harder. So the thing that worked for me at that point was Weight Watchers. It sounds funny and I was always so embarrassed to admit it, but man, that program seriously rocked. It didn't tell me what I could or couldn't eat, it just helped me figure out portions and what types of things to look for in foods to determine if they are good...or less good. :) Anyway, I had great success with it for a couple months before I got pregnant with Macie. If you WERE interested in that, but didn't want to sign up for the full-blown program, you can find the info many points you get each day, what food are how many points, etc. And then after I had Macie I of course had to do the losing weight thing again. That time I focused more on exercise than on food and the thing that was my best friend was the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD. It's a 20 minute workout (there are 3 different levels) and it is great! It was short enough that I could fit it in during a nap time (and still have time to shower), but it was tough enough that I saw results. Okay...this is WAAAAY too long. I'm sorry! You may not even be interested in these things I just thought I'd share a couple things that had worked for me. :) Anyway, we have a blog, too, but it's private now, so if you ever want an invite, just email me at Sorry again for the novel!

janel said...

Hey I'm a little behing the posts but had some time at work to catch up - this is actually perfect for me right now Thank YOU! I used to be able to eat right along with Damon and Joe (never as much they are bottomless pits and never add an ounce) but then again back when I was so involved in sports etc. I couldn't either. From then on I slowly gained (telling myself it was normal as women got older) then I worked as a tour director and only ate at the hotel restaurants and drank my weight in Dr. Pepper. So now I'm topping the scale for me (minus the husband and baby) my cousin is helping me but no one can motivate me, only inspire. So instead of beating myself up for not doing enough I'm trying to "Be a little better" each day and celebrate the small things like not having seconds or making time to exercise.

There is not recipe really for this it's all individual but if anyone can do it - you can for sure! Love you guys and hope to see you soon - maybe we'll both be more slender then too!

i see you too...