Friday, March 25, 2011
covered in red sheets smack dab in provo, utah, then yes, that is where I am. 5 inches away from my baby son- my 1 month old baby son's face. He's in dreamland, mouth all hanging open and breathing baby breath into my face. And I've been studying him for half an hour now. He has a piece of fuzz on his pink little eyelid, but i'll leave that well enough alone, and also the little boogie in the right nostril there. Yes, that can wait till later too. I wonder what his hands are looking like under the cover, like I forgot what they were like since the last time I maybe stuffed them in my mouth. Weird? It's innevitable. Have a kid. You automatically want to stick another person's hands and feet in your mouth like some psychotic. And I wonder what his little legs are lookin' like too, dressed up in their baby legs legging thingies, the cute blue and brown and green stripes, the ones that push a little blob of fat thigh over the top edge... But I don't dare unwrap him and risk waking him up and then he'll take away that serene wide open mouth with it's shallow little breath. So I will just have to wait till he wakes up, and then I can study him as a wide eyed one month old. Sigh. It's quite the routine, this nonstop inquiry into his little blob of a self.
I need another one. I need to give birth again and ache when I pick him up and drudge throuugh the night feedings and look at those baby acnes again- and I'm still doing just that. It's so good I need to be doing it twice simultaneously.